from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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