my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Welp...herpes.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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