Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
