I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
