i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
