I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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