she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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