"it" just moved
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
