I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
