She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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