The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
