Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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