When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
