so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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