I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
