I puked a lego.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
