going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
