his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
