I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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