Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
