You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
