I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
