Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
