Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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