I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
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