Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
