I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
