So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
