Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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