is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
