I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
