if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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