Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
