...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I faked an abortion last night.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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