I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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