You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
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