Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
