So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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