The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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