She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
