I should be sponsored by Trojan
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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