omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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