I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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