Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My cat gives me a boner
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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