when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
