Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
