I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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