So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Its about making memories worth repressing
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
