So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
