I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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