erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
