She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
