i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
