i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
