I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
