you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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