I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
