walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
